Single Twin Cities: The Nuclear Break-Up
Most of us have had one—there can be only one by definition—the Nuclear Break-Up (NBU). The big one. The horrible one. To know if you’ve had one here are some signs: You were nearly hospitalized; reinforcements of friends and trusted relatives where called in to sit with you, one even moved in with you for a stretch; you didn’t eat; your hands were shaky; every brain cell was focused on the situation; you couldn’t work; and during your compromised state you committed desperate acts to try to reconcile with your former lover, decimating the last ounce of self-esteem you might have had.
Another tell-tale sign that you’ve been through a NBU is that shrapnel of the aftermath is still embedded in your body. If you make sudden movements you can still feel it cutting into your flesh. Pain triggers abound each time you pass his/her workplace, see the same model of car her/she drove, or get a whiff of the cologne he/she wore. No amount of counseling, vacation travel, kick-boxing classes, yoga or tequila will heal all the wounds. Even finding yourself hopelessly in love again won’t help. You are irreversibly damaged by the NBU.
My friends are intimately familiar with my NBUSO (significant other). They know that when I talk about my time with “Bad Brad” that this is the one that stings. I have been divorced. That was awful, but my split with NBUSO was way worse. I can rattle off the names of my posse’s NBUSOs, as they have been justified and vilified over many cocktails, backyard bonfires, and walks around the lake. We explore what went wrong, but more importantly what we have learned so it does not paralyze us from move forward.
So, what within us causes us to be confronted with a NBU? Did we surrender too much power to a person, or the situation with this person? Was it that we loved too much? Was it that we lost control or couldn’t gain enough foot hold to feel stable? How do we protect others from the NBU? How can we help others recognize the signs that one is coming so they can gather provisions and seek appropriate shelter?
Is there any advice out there? What say you? Let us wise, embattled citizens save others from the pain we would never wish upon anyone. Save another from a NBU!
This singles column is written anonymously about experiences on the Twin Cities dating scene. Questions and comments to Single Twin Cities can be submitted via email to single.twincites@gmail.com, on Twitter to @singletwincity, and on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/SingleTwinCities .
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